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Супружество как точная наука. Ч. 1

O. Henry

THE EXACT SCIENCE OF MATRIMONY

PART 1

'As I have told you before,' said Jeff Peters, 'I never had much confidence in the perfidiousness of woman. As partners or co educators in the most innocent line of graft they are not trustworthy.'

'They deserve the compliment,' said I. 'I think they are entitled to be called the honest sex.'

'Why shouldn't they be?' said Jeff. 'They've got the other sex either grafting or working overtime for them. They're all right in business until they get their emotions or their hair touched up too much. Then you want to have a flat footed, heavy breathing man with sandy whiskers, five kids and a building and loan mortgage ready as an understudy to take her desk. Now there was that widow lady that me and Andy Tucker engaged to help us in that little matrimonial agency scheme we floated out in Cairo.

'When you've got enough advertising capital--say a roll as big as the little end of a wagon tongue (вагонное дышло)--there's money in matrimonial agencies. We had about $6,000 and we expected to double it in two months, which is about as long as a scheme like ours can be carried on without taking out a New Jersey charter (без официального разрешения от штата Нью-Джерси).'

We fixed up an advertisement that read about like this:

   'Charming widow, beautiful, home loving, 32 years, possessing $3,000 cash and owning valuable country property, would remarry. Would prefer a poor man with affectionate disposition to one with means, as she realizes that the solid virtues are oftenest (чаще всего) to be found in the humble walks of life. No objection to elderly man or one of homely appearance if faithful and true and competent  to manage property and invest money with judgment. Address, with particulars.

   Lonely,

   Care of Peters & Tucker, agents, Cairo, Ill.'