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Шутки о правосудии

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A man who was very cross-eyed happened to put his hand into another man’s pocket, and took out his watch. He told the judge that he ‘only wanted to know the time.’ And the judge said it was ‘Three years.’

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The juryman petitioned the court to be excused, declaring:

‘I owe a man twenty-five dollars that I borrowed, and as he is leaving town today for some years I want to catch him before he gets to the train and pay him the money.’

‘You are excused,’ the judge announced in a very cold voice. ‘I don't want anybody on the jury who can lie like you.’

 

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The clerk of the court directed the witness to spell his name. The man started his reply thus:

‘O double t, i double u, e double l, double u, double’

The clerk interrupted:

‘Please, begin again.’

The witness complied glibly:

‘O double t, i double u, e double l, double u, double o’

The clerk groaned. The judge himself intervened: ‘What is your name?’

‘Your Honor (Ваша честь), it is Ottiwell Wood. I spell it: O double t, i double u, e double l, double u, double o, d.’