Mark Twain
CURING A COLD
Part 2
The first time I began to sneeze, a friend told me to go and bathe my feet in hot water and go to bed. I did so. Shortly afterwards, another friend advised me to get up and take a cold shower-bath. I did that also. Within the hour, another friend assured me that it was policy to 'feed a cold and starve a fever.' I had both. So I thought it best to fill myself up for the cold, and then keep dark and let the fever starve awhile.
In a case of this kind, I seldom do things by halves; I ate pretty heartily; I conferred my custom upon (Я удостоил своим посещением) a stranger who had just opened his restaurant that morning; he waited near me in respectful silence until I had finished feeding my cold, when he inquired if the people about Virginia City were much afflicted with colds? I told him I thought they were. He then went out and took in his sign.
I started down toward the office, and on the way encountered another bosom friend, who told me that a quart (кварта) of salt-water, taken warm, would come as near curing a cold as anything in the world. I hardly thought I had room for it (я сомневался, что во мне еще есть место), but I tried it anyhow. The result was surprising. I believed I had thrown up my immortal soul.
Now, as I am giving my experience only for the benefit of those who are troubled with the distemper I am writing about, I feel that they will see the propriety of my cautioning (уместность моего предупреждения) them against following such portions of it as proved inefficient with me, and acting upon this conviction, I warn them against warm salt-water. It may be a good enough remedy, but I think it is too severe. If I had another cold in the head, and there were no course left me but to take either an earthquake or a quart of warm saltwater, I would take my chances on the earthquake.
After the storm which had been raging in my stomach had subsided, and no more good Samaritans happening along, I went on borrowing handkerchiefs again and blowing them to atoms (Я продолжил сморкаться в носовые платки, разнося их в клочья), as had been my custom in the early stages of my cold, until I came across a lady who had just arrived from over the plains, and who said she had lived in a part of the country where doctors were scarce, and had from necessity acquired considerable skill (в силу необходимости имела значительные навыки) in the treatment of simple 'family complaints.' I knew she must have had much experience, for she appeared to be a hundred and fifty years old.